A String of Pearls


January 14, 2023 Charlotte Fryer Episode 2
Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

Reality is nothing more than the sum total of our choices. 

 0:00:54 Charlotte: Making choices comes with responsibility and for some people that responsibility is overwhelming so much though that the thought of the load can be paralyzing. For other people making choices is something that they enjoy. They thrive on they're, let's say born leaders, but for those that find making choices difficult when working with me, we often reveal that at some point in their development, whether it be in the early years or in their teens, there was a part of their initiative that was suppressed. They weren't given potentially the opportunity to exercise the Liberty of their own choices. Often there is an underlying effect of being emotionally repressed. This can, and is quite prevalent in a codependent family model whereby the children and or young adults are mirroring mimicking parents and fulfilling the expectations that are projected upon them. And so choice is not something that they learn to have a relationship with.


0:02:32  Charlotte: It's like anything, it's a muscle that doesn't get used. Therefore it atrophies. And this is synonymous with a delayed individuation when we reach a certain age and sometimes it's not age relevant. But when we reach a certain point in our own self awareness, our own maturity, there is a very healthy process of individuation that occurs whereby we become aware of where we end and someone else begins. We become rooted grounded centered in those things that make us as an individual, our likes, our dislikes, our needs, our preferences, our aspirations. And of course over the years, those things continue to evolve. However, at a certain point, as I say, there is a healthy individuation whereby you are living as much as one can in your individuality while still operating in a system. Sure. Family, community, the world, and with people that have found choices difficult to make, there can be another layer of awkwardness around that.


0:04:02 Charlotte: It's something that makes them feel somewhat childlike. It's not uncommon. I've seen it many, many times whereby these women and/or men marry people who are more natural leaders, they are much more comfortable being part of a very, sometimes rigid infrastructure so that they know exactly what their parameters are. They know the boundaries, they it's like having a script and fulfilling a role. And there's an awkwardness around the discrepancy between how on the outside that person is an adult is acting like an adult has the responsibilities of an adult.


0:04:50 Charlotte: And yet inside, they have this underlying fear that what if one day My partner or this infrastructure is no longer available. What if it dissembles? What if I become kind of lost in the wilderness, so to speak. A drift without the ability to have direction. And that can eat away at somebody. Their confidence, their sense of self in so when working with these types of people, I meet them where they are. And as with any healing process, it's about looking at the cause, going back to the point of origin where by that individuation, that freeze time occurred and thawing that freeze and really unearthing where those original authentic wants desires likes preferences exist. And they haven't gone anywhere. They're there to be returned to. And to give that person the safe space to explore the unknowns of that at first and for them to not feel embarrassed and awkward for them to be able to be held compassionately.


0:06:28 Charlotte: It's not unlike parenting to nurture them through a time of rediscovery. And in that, those connections are remade with self and those same people start to explore the act of making choice. They start to exercise that muscle. It's not always with big choices, but little choices. And those little choices build on themselves and newfound confidence is gained. And this is an incredibly rewarding part of the work that I do, because without living life through your own choices, then you really never get to experience what it is that you're capable of as a creator of your own life. What it is that you are capable of bringing into the world. And so it's really key that we look at where we are making choices as a manifestor and whereby we are the victim or the bystander or the outcome potentially of other people's choices and find a balance there. Choices are the sum total that make up our reality.

Responsibility of choice
Developmental origins of choice making
The effects of codependency and authentic choices
Awkwardness of not knowing
Underlying fear of dismantling
Meeting you where you are
Thawing the freeze around choice
Exploring the unknown
Rediscovering the act of choice
Creative choice and manifestation
Finding balance through the art of choice