A String of Pearls


February 18, 2023 Charlotte Fryer Episode 22
Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

The erosion that occurs when living across from a narcissist is not unlike cancer, stripping the mind of its own ability to measure reality.

00:00:54 Charlotte: The prevalence of narcissists is on the rise. That doesn't mean that narcissists haven't been around since the beginning of time. However, the way in which the world works nowadays there can be more of a let's say leeway for people to have an entitlement in an age of self-expression. And, in an age whereby we are encouraged to be truthful, to be expressive, to live into our authentic selves that can go to extremes. It can go to extremes.

00:01:37  Charlotte: There's a balance in living into your most authentic self, fulfilling your destiny, kind of owning your, your birthright and making your life purposeful. Therefore being very clear with your intentions and not being codependent taking on other people's burdens does not mean that you operate in a vacuum. It's a balance. It doesn't mean that you then experience yourself as separate or greater than others.

00:02:12 Charlotte: There is a necessity and an ever growing need for intimacy, connection, community to get tighter and to have positive, healthy interactions with others. Empathy is key. Narcissists are known for having the absence of empathy for others and it is a, it's a complex subject. 

00:02:45 Charlotte: But what I have found, I have worked with most readily is the effects that more of the passive narcissists have had on people. Narcissism is not always overt. can be covert and it's the covert narcissism that is even more destructive because it's not so readily recognised. It's far more seductive and I have worked with a lot of women and men whom have had lifelong times, a times relationships with narcissists. And the erosion that occurs when living across from a narcissist is, it's like a cancer. It literally strips the mind of its own ability to measure reality.

 00:03:46  Charlotte: It's like taking away the immune system that's there to ward off disease. It's a narcissist gets under the skin. A narcissist gets under your consciousness and makes you turn against yourself doubting everything so that your dependence on that narcissist is so extreme that they control you through the thought that you can't exist without them, because they are the point of reference and relevance for everything, without them you are a bobblehead, you're made of nothing.

00:04.35. Charlotte:   And it's been pretty heartbreaking over the years to see women and men that are greatly intelligent. They're charming. They have huge hearts, they have remarkable skills and they're in many ways extraordinary, often gifted, and yet they have succumbed to feeling a shell of themselves and doubting their worth left, right and centre. And when working with these empty shells, it is not just about helping them understand the dynamic of the relationship with the narcissists.

00:05:25  Charlotte: Sometimes these people are very aware and familiar with exactly what's going on, but where the block can be is that they don't see that the reason that they're with this narcissist is because they were brought up by an narcissist that in their childhood, they were raised, therefore their attachment style was directed by a narcissist. And when that type of conditioning has occurred, if that young child in their adulthood is still in an active relationship with that parent, then it's very typical that this denial around that, again, that goes back to how trauma copes in disassociating from the true narrative.

00:06:23. Charlotte  And so it's not just addressing the current situation. It's looking at the familiarisation and where that started, that leads that person to be around what is greatly destructive, yet what also feels normal, and the unpacking of that, it's not easy lifting. There's heavy lifting to it, but I've seen so many people live a life that they never imagined possible when they've made a choice to reassert their own liberty and start to reclaim their own mind, their own choices and their own actions.

The age of entitlement
Balancing self love vs. separatism
Absence of empathy
Covert Narcissists
Erosion of self and primal dependance
The unexpected victims
Rooted in childhood parenting
Freedom beyond the heavy lifting